Control

It’s such a power-packed word that can be looked up negatively at times. We all practice control in different ways. Our main aim is to know the future. So, see when you like to control the outcome- it just means you are moving your current energies to the possibilities you think will work for you, which may or may not be true in many scenarios.

I was always in control of things or was controlled by things. I always knew I would manage any situation and knew how to solve it until I became a special mother.

Being a mother of a special needs child… I started to control everything that was happening in my life to provide a safe path for my child. Remember, I wanted to create the safe path defined by me and didn’t care much if it was safe enough for my son.

And there I was, sitting with a control challenge in my life. A stage in my life that asked me to surrender. A complete discomforting situation where I was left with a trial, with little or no success. As time went by, there were many successes, but I was getting more burnt out trying to make him act or behave in a particular manner (do you see control here). I expected specific results as a reward for my efforts -do you smell control again?

This is how most of us are—full of expectations, action & reactions, seeking success or changes. We want our body, mind, and surroundings to act and behave in a certain manner or be predictable. And in the process of controlling or expecting, we end up burning ourselves on things that don’t matter in the long run. I learned it from my 6-year-old child, who I was trying to fit in with society, and I was destroying myself and him in that process. So I stopped. I continue to work with him, expanding his experience in life without expecting him to act in a particular manner. I choose to live life every day and not fight a battle I want to win. There are days when I take time off and do things that help me keep positive – like my practice.

At last, I have learned to surrender and enjoy life.

In an infinity of worlds where everything is perfect, I choose to surrender, surrender to infinite possibilities, guidance, love, grace, and surrender to myself. So be it ..